never play flip cup with pint glasses
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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