laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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