so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
