So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
