try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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