Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
