I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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