whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
