So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
