this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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