They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
