Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
