Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
