That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
jump out the window naked night went bad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
