hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
