checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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