Only a mothe r could love this liver
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this boner is exhausting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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