I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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