my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
