He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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