I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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