It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
