Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
