My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
