I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
