Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
