I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
