I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
