I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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