Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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