He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
