a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
