Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish you could order shots online.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
