I CAN MOONWALK!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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