im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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