no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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