the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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