you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
