kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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