Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
