chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
im on a boat
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