I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
