Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
