do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
