Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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