I wanna bring you to show and tell
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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