sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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