Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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