Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
