his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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